#42 North London Forever: Fitting In and Finding Yourself

What makes an interest real? Is it something we’re born with, or just the result of encouragement, habit, or the need to belong? How often do we pretend to care just to fit in, and then, somehow, end up actually caring?

Interests aren’t fixed traits, they’re formed through exposure, repetition, and reward. Through identity, context, or just luck. Some come from curiosity. Some from the hope of not feeling awkward in a kitchen.

The very first official inUse office was in a co-working space at Brogatan 1 in Mölndal, just outside Gothenburg. In 2002, Ingrid, Mijo, Mikael, Darja and I rented a room with shared facilities. Even though we spent a lot of time together, I often found myself alone in the office with the others who worked there.

It wasn’t exactly a vibrant cultural melting pot. Mostly a bunch of middle-aged men. And as in many rooms like that, the lowest common denominator was sports. In this case mostly Premier League football. I wasn’t interested at all, so I mostly sat quietly and returned quickly to our room.

After a few weeks of awkward silences in the kitchen, I decided to do something about it.

When I was seven, my father came back from a trip to London with a scarf. It was red and white, and the text read ARSENAL in big letters. I don’t remember much, but I probably said thank you and shoved it in a drawer. Now, almost fifteen years later, as football was going to become my new thing, at least I didn’t have to pick a team.

I started watching the occasional game. My god, how boring. Ninety minutes. Often with no goals. But at least now I had something to say in the kitchen.

Then, slowly, something shifted. I found myself looking forward to the matches. When we left the co-working space a year later, I kept watching, even though I had no one to talk to about it anymore.

Sometimes we fake interest to pass, to connect, to not feel left out. And sometimes, in the trying, something real begins. A conversation leads to a question. A question leads to a googling, and another one. You download an app, and the app becomes a habit. Eventually, you care, not because you had to, but because you do.

Now, more than 20 years later, I’m a member of the club, I follow the news, and I watch the games. Not every week, but a couple of times a month. Viktor Gyökeres has just signed for Arsenal, and I’ve just added a “North London Forever” sticker to my laptop. I’m really excited for this season.

Still, it’s funny. I can still doubt myself. Is this a genuine interest of mine, or am I just playing a part? Am I a real fan, or just someone trying not to be left out?

But then again… are any interests really real? Or are they all, in some way, invented, shaped by the things we lean into, the people we meet, and the effort we give?

At least in this case, it seems that what started as social camouflage eventually became part of who I am. Funny what can grow out of a quiet kitchen and a scarf in a drawer.